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Archive for September, 2011|Monthly archive page

Fuck job application forms

In The Grinder on September 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm

BEWARE!!! THIS ARTICLE WILL NOT HELP WITH LACK OF HOPE!!
(This article is not representative of the writers feelings)

Why the fuck should I fill out another job application form Fuck Off!! If you go into a shop and they have a job vacancy which anyone can do, whats wrong with just giving you the job?

If the bosses child can do it without experience, why can’t you or I?
Why the FUCK!! do we have to spend another unpaid half-hour filling out some stupid ass waste of paper or web-space for 99 out of 100 applications (more like 2999 out of 3000 nowadays) to be received as worthless. I work infinitely better than I fill out my 1000th job application form, so just give me a job when its there, I can do it better than you. If you don’t like me, sack me.

Why make everyone waste even more valuable time on something that is, in all probability, pointless. Only one applicant gets the position, there can be from 15 to 300 to 4000 applications for a role now. 6 job applications means at least 2 hours of repeatedly writing down your depressing life history,
intelligently lying and answering questions to which honesty and logic is not recommended.

Look around, it’s as if regular job hunting for me and increasing numbers of regular people is like going down a burning and broken bridge for some non-existent treasure. You look at the task, its long and painful. You go down the bridge, its broken and a dead-end. You spy out the treasure, it’s never there. You go home and are told by everyone “keep on that bridge, its worth it, you’ll get there in the end” but after painfully and faithfully traversing it hundreds of times you no longer want the treasure and hate the gods, you’re happy to be a failure if it means you don’t have to go through all that shit again.

It is testament to our sheepish stupidity that we still look down upon the unemployed and mark them as lazy, stupid and deserving of less respect. There is less than one job opening for every four jobseekers, so how is it your fault that you haven’t got a job. If there was 5 openings for each 4 job hunters, then yes, youd probably be to blame. The overly strenuous nature of hopelessly filling in endless application forms, tasting failure for the 1000th time and feeling worthless will result in depression and if untreated, suicide, as proven in many cases.

I’m not going to fill out another application form, until I have reasons to believe that I am not pointlessly wasting my time, over and over again.

Think of the paper, the trees, ink, energy, time, bandwidth and resources all put to lesser use than a tree is with shitty ass-cracks. Fuck!!! I actually really want a dead-end 9 to 5 I’d loathe.

These fucking illogical cunts, they should pay us to fill out their forms, unskilled jobs only need for you to not be a dickhead, fuck filling your shit out just to *not* give me an interview to see if im a dickhead. Bitch! You can tell im not a dickhead by how I don’t storm into your shops and murder your managers for taking the piss out of people and their precious time.

I’ve got qualifications but am finding it near-impossible to gain experience, I could get more qualifications but would that really be worth my while? Would I then be able to find work? Would those extra qualifications make a someone finally hire me? Would I still be going to the jobcentre? Would all the effort still be going to waste? Is it just that they dont like me or how I seem?

Older people tell me how, in the 60’s and 70’s, you could just go out one day, speak to an employer and wait 10 minutes for a quick-ass interview, be the wild child you are and have a start the following day.

You could get a random job, back then, in less time than it takes to fill out half of one of these pointless application forms. They’re worthwhile only if you have a shiny, prosperous history, if you are a normal person, with average grades and a weak looking employment history, you wont ever be at the top of a list; numerous attempts will always end up with the same result: failure and rejection. Sad but true, what to do?

Its fucked up when you’re skilled and you can’t even go beneath your capabilities or do what you love for free. It sucks majorly that Arabs and Indians (about half of my local opportunities) seem to have a universal preference for exclusively hiring friends and family especially if they can’t speak english very well. Due to experience and necessity, I now really enjoy enquiring within these establishments, I get the same thing every time so I walk in expecting a “seen before but slightly different” funny (laugh or cry) moment where I ask about a vacancy and he replies with no more than an “Err, no” and he then turns away as if the conversation is done, I smile and go “I would even do work here for free!”, he looks away and says “no, sorry, bye now”, same thing in every place be it a newsagent, a computer joint or an everything shop; not a single Asian host has ever liked me enough to allow me one of their opportunities 😦

Its pretty saddening to see that people who weren’t born in your country are seemingly of higher priority to employ than the natives, with too many employers and employees spreading and employing on the notion that european immigrants are better workers (not that they couldn’t be) and politicians spreading propaganda about how the english man doesn’t want to work. Let me work, oh you wont?! KISS. MY. ASS!!!!!

“Why…. do I need experience to get a job that my child could learn to do in 25 minutes?”

Why is it politically accepted and pragmatically possible to apply for thousands of jobs a year for your whole life and never get an interview let alone a position. There needs to be a system in place where you “get a job”.

Simple, “You Get a J O B, if you don’t take it, we got 2 more, now these are what you asked for, so, if you don’t take one of these its “bye bye” and no more benefits, now, if the employer isn’t satisfied with you, you’ll be sacked and sent back here for this really fast and simple employment process to repeat again but, if you leave the job in the first 3 months without a valid reason, you are on your own for six weeks”  Whats wrong with that?! (imagine going to the jobcentre and hearing that!) Oh, there’s not enough jobs and every employer would have to notify the government when a position opens. Good! At least people would be working and those who couldn’t would know that they’re on a waiting list with their opportunities awaiting them. The new system could be modified to be Fucking Flawless.

Job seeker benefits operate under the notion that all people have the same ‘hirability’; the same chance at employment. That is a mistake.
The near-universal move to compulsory online applications will mean that the lesser impressive jobhunters will always be rejected, leaving many people to be doomed to unemployment because, apart from being unable to get a role through formal applications, they cant get an opportunity by face value or back door entry.

“What happens if you have no viable references? Will they just let you off and trust you?”

“Whats up with free travel for jobseekers? We are already paying the highest fares in Europe, how can someone with no money go jobhunting on £100 a fortnight. Thats £7 to last each day, 20 cigarettes and nothing else. I cannot pay my rent with that, let alone buy food or get gas and electricity, never mind pay for internet, print-outs, phone calls and travel costs for my jobsearch. Yet still, you wanna stop giving me the shitty £50 a week if I don’t find a job. Nobody will employ me, there isn’t enough jobs for everyone, FUCK YOU!!!”

Imagine if jobcentre staff could act as proxy HR, giving the few positions the office would be allocated to special customers who are experiencing extreme difficulty in obtaining work due to crippling circumstances such as a disability, lack of references or a stammer. Again, the employer could sack the person at any time if they are dissatisfied and get given another somewhat unattractive but nevertheless applicable client by the employment office (jobcentre).

I’m sorry to say this but the college system is bullshit too. For a start, even in universities, there are a wealth of useless courses, even at high levels, seemingly designed waste a person’s time and let them indulge themselves in one of their interests at the expense of months, money and energy. Employers and HR staff jokingly confess that they see an “NVQ” as a “Not Very Qualified” qualification and anything below as meaningless. Certain course titles on a CV will indicate an applicants lack of success at high-school so, in order for a better look, must be relegated out of ones history even though they spent years doing them.

If you are inexperienced and “Not Very Qualified” applying for a skilled job, you’ll only get noticed if there’s a lack of applicants with university degrees or with experience; your hard work and devotion leaves you unimpressive still. College will work for some (construction, fitness or business students, Yaay!) but for the majority (99% of you art students, stoner philosophers, biased historians, overly made-up beauty therapists, skills for life ect.) the lost time will result in nothing but nice memories, forgotten titles and repressed regrets. For most, college is totally useless. I used to love going to college because I went to one exclusively for the arts; lots of lively ladies and Lolita’s in leotards lounging and lunging lyrical leaving liberally lynxed lecherous losers longing and lengthened, lunacy.

300 jobs on the London Underground drew in 30,000 applicants, in 24 hours, breaking the website.

Being without work, obviously, fucks with your sources of happiness, you end up doing random things to bring yourself joy. You have more reasons to be miserable, (apart from the obvious solvable/intentional poverty and racial inequality) you have no money for anything good other than food, you get behind on bill payments and educational fees, you lose friends, networking without money is pretty much limited to the internet which gets you mates in Miami, family starts to tire and become ashamed of you, you get either bitter or loopy, you can’t start your own business without moolah, you read lots of things and the more you know about our worlds systems the less you like, you’re broke so sexual relationships are few and far between and awkward, you watch far too many tv series for free, you feel dependent on others and you wish someone would just allow you to work for them and give you a chance to sort your life out.
Why should I join the military, to die for an unjust cause? I don’t want to fight anybody.

“The longer you are without formal work, the lesser your chances of getting work…”
“Wait!…What?!”

It should be a timing game; “I was there when they needed someone, so I got the position” but no, in most cases, it’s not. Nepotism and dick sucking are the leading tools for job seekers. I wish I woulda been a drug dealer, giving jobs to motherless children and ex-cons, at least I would have felt good about myself.

Fuck your pointless application forms, id rather stick the pen down my dickhole. You can get an old one of mine from earlier on today out of the bin round the back of the mcdonalds up the road.

A huge reform is long overdue…

I really couldn’t care less if a prospective employer looks at this (and yes I do see the irony concerning juxtaposition of articles on main page), it wont make any difference anyway, myself and many others have been pushed to this point whilst trying to push ourselves the other way, I blame you mr employer! £UCK YOU!!!! Cunt. They can kiss my booty pipe and choke on my tree trunk. CUNTS!!

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